Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Some genius once said "adversity introduces a man to himself". And it also introduces you to comedy. A few days ago, on a fine balmy Southern California afternoon, I was driving west on Olympic Blvd the other day, in the beautiful beach community of Santa Monica. As I always, I was intent upon getting home for no good reason than that was my destination of the moment. From out of nowhere, in front of me, going at least 5 mph slower than the general speed limit, was a compact, with a)an American flag in the back window b)a persons with disability - ok, handicapped - blackward hanging from the rear view and c)the top of the head of the driver, a little old lady eeking about the front seat. Sure enough, as adversity began to test me, she turned right on 14th Street, right in front of me. I was getting beyond aggravated as she missed each and every light by dint of her slow speed. I was not discussing my feelings with myself - like, what's your hurry, it's a beautiful day, you're not getting home more than one minute sooner, she's doing the best she can. All that. Instead I was taking it personally. All the buttons were pushed - people who feel the need to fly the American flag are ALWAYS horrible drivers. The handicapped placard is always a problem. I'm sure she noticed my fury - I tapped the horn once, and kind of crowded her back. I was really fuming when she stopped at Broadway - having "made" another g/d red light. I saw my opening. She first at the stop light, and there was a large gap on her right. I go do the old zoom around. So I pulled over onto her right, waiting for the light to change. But wouldn't you know she reverted to her Agressive Teenager selft, and starting rolling, anticipating my devious plan. NOW she was speeding, and made sure I couldn't get around her, owing to some cars parked on the right curb. I did see she was a little old lady, allright, looking a bit like June Cleaver. She beat me, and I had to retreat. Then she dug it in, by wagging her finger, in elementary school teacher disapproval, at me through her rear view. Then she resumed her slow speed roll. I finally opted to make a left at the next corner. I looked back at her with a glare. She was staring forward, avoiding me. Good choice, lest I get out and kick her elderly ass. I did end up going to Vons, and I did find myself looking for the be-atch in the parking lot. Didn't see her. If I was introduced myself, I avoided eye contact, and feel pretty dumb about it now.

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